Gone Girl: The Film That Survived the Worst Movie Viewing Experience Ever

Back in April Chris and I moved into our current apartment, which had the added bonus of being just up the street from a big used book store.

We have a bit of a book hoarding problem and so decided to check it out. One of the first books that jumped off the shelf at me was Gone Girl, which I had heard a lot about but never read. So I bought it, devoured it, and spent the following six months begging Chris to read it before the movie was released. He didn't, but trusted my judgement enough that we went to see the movie on opening night.

You've read the title of this post, so you already know that things are going to go badly. We arrived at the theater twenty minutes before showtime and waited in a very long line to purchase our tickets. We then bypass the concession line and head for the usher because the screen indicates that our show is seating. It wasn't. So we wait. And we wait. It turns out that they had not finished cleaning our theater yet, so they decided to have us wait rather than seat us in a dirty theater. I work with a movie theater, I totally understand this. But the little old ladies across the aisle from us who are also waiting decided that this was completely unacceptable and proceeded to berate the poor usher. If you are reading this, please don't ever hassle your usher. Odds are she is the low man on the totem pole and is barely paid enough to stand there and take your tickets, let alone deal with the horrible things people feel entitled to say to those working in a service position. Chris had to almost restrain me so that I would not jump across and kill them.

I am one hundred percent convinced that these women caused everything that followed because of their bad behavior.

So the theater finally starts seating. We go in, beat the mean old ladies to the good seats, and settle in to watch what I am very concerned could be an overhyped film. The lights stay up during the trailers so I continue working on my purse socks because I brought just enough movie knitting to get me through the two and a half hours of the actual movie. And as we get further and further into the trailers I become more and more concerned. It seems that Gone Girl has no sense of its audience because the trailers are all for kid movies. Not, hey this is a family film trailers but look new Sponge Bob trailers. And then the movie finally starts.

I drop my knitting into my purse and run out of the theater, making sure to beat any angry people to that poor usher. I apologize to her again for all the rudeness of my fellow movie goers and then say "But, Gone Girl is showing Box Trolls." Yep, Box Trolls. Somehow the films got screwed up and we were watching the wrong movie. The manager assures me he will fix it and I dart back in to fish out my movie knitting before they switch happens. There may have been applause.

And we watch the movie. It was just as amazing as I had hoped. It is suspenseful and mind-blowing and both of the leads are acting their brains out. I counted after we left and I knit a total of six rows on my New Girl skirt through the entire film. Which turned out to be longer than it should have been because right after a pivotal scene twenty minutes from the end the sound suddenly cut out and the screen faded out and the movie ended. In addition to showing the wrong film, the theater somehow managed to accidentally stop the movie before it was over.

It as at this point that I started vowing never to return to this theater. Ever.

They managed to get the movie started again, rewinding back about five minutes from where it had stopped and we watch the rest. And you know what? It was still awesome, still suspenseful, and still the excellent movie I had been hoping for. Somehow, despite all the chaos, Gone Girl prevailed. I loved it. Chris loved it. And we are totally planning to see it again.

Just probably not at this theater.